Weekly Update: Expectations

Hello everyone, happy Saturday.

This will be a longer post I think than usual, as I have some things on my mind I need to share. Please bear with me as I feel like it’s just a good time to share my view on things and to look back over the last few months.

When I started this website in February, I wasn’t certain what to expect. I knew what I wanted, and that was a way to share my stories and grow as a writer. So much has changed since that time, as back then I was basically unemployed after quitting my job a few months prior. It was a miserable job I took in an attempt to escape an even worse situation at job that was only slightly better than working at a call center. Leaving that second job did make me realize a great deal. The first, that I don’t really care all that much for office work, and the second, that what I wanted to do more than anything was write stories. Stories only I could tell, for better or worse.

Unfortunately, I did still need money to pay off loans and help support my family, so I did find another office job that has been mentioned a few times in these weekly updates. I feel relatively blessed to have this job in this time, so I am not complaining. It pays well enough to cover expenses and squirrel some away for the future, but it also takes more out of me than I care to admit. Most days, I’m fine, but there are frequently more and more days where I feel incredibly drained and tired. These are familiar feelings from previous jobs, and I was afraid I might find them resurfacing. It doesn’t help that I am assisting in a wedding or that my family has its own share of hang ups that frequently remind me of trashy soaps.

All of this just leads me to a realization that I really, really did not want to find. With effort, I know I can write enough to get A Cry from Silence up in time for Halloween, but I cannot promise it will be good. I’ve never been one to write well under pressure, and I doubt it would be a fun read as I drag myself to the finish line for anyone. With that in mind, I believe it best to concede I failed to live up to my own expectations. I do not believe I can satisfactorily complete the goal I set for myself.

Not to say I’m shelving the project. I’m more just saying this may take more time and resources than I have to make it for Halloween. My life is hectic and, so long as I have another job, I cannot give this site and my writing all the time and energy needed to complete my own ambitious goals. For now, I need to remember my writing is a hobby and that it comes after everything else until I can make it a more centralized point in my life.

So for now, I’ll be aiming a bit further off on the release date. I would give a solid answer, but I’m not quite confident enough to predict a date at this time. In the meanwhile, this does mean I can open myself up to picking through the other two stories on my goals if people are more interested in them right now. So if you read this far, please let me know what you would like to see in the coming months.

All the same, for now, I need a break. This week was killer on my psyche and I really did not want to write this update. Probably nothing else this weekend.

For now then, hope you all have a restful or positive weekend and talk to you next week!

Share your thoughts!